it is currently 10:45pm
i have been contemplating a question that came up on a recent movie i watched: "how did you know you were a man?". this question has been on my mind, waiting to be answered. is it the first time you have intercourse? the first time you fall in love? the moment you become a dad? or is it the moment you leave your mothers nest?
as i reflect (keep in mind i am still in my 20s), i understand that the notion of manhood is not as clear-cut as society often protrays. it is deeply a personal journey, that is influenced by our own unique experiences. during my undergrad years away from home, i thought i might have become a man. but i was a boy, reveling in the joy of freedom.
now, i see that manhood is defined by a fundamental realization. that no one is coming to save you. it is the moment you understand that, regardless of lifes hardships, you must get back up on your own strength, or stay there forever. it is when you accept that you are expected to be the protector, not the protected. and there is nothing wrong with that. nor does it feel unfair. this awareness brings with it the understanding that motivation does not exist; discipline is what endures.
it is the moment you figure out that your actions shape your destiny, the moment you understand that you are both the marble and the sculptor, the moment you understand that you must do the right thing regardless if it is the unpopular decision.